Pool is up and filling … again lol. All good there.
Eric has a court date today for the child support mess. I totally agree that he NEEDS to pay child support but is it right that his ex-wife lied about him working and told the California court that he makes $3500 a month? NO. She so totally screwed him. Then when I try to talk to her about it we get in a fight. And she wonders why Eric never wants to talk to her. I told her the last time that they would put him in prison for this (and they will if it isn’t straightened out) and she said that he should be helping her so maybe he deserves prison. This poor confused little girl has no idea what she is talking about. How is he even going to get the help he needs from the VA and get his compensation (which a big part of it will go to help Landon) if he is in jail? What really makes me mad is that when we found out about her lying to the court, she promised for months that she would straighten it out. You don’t really know someone for a long time do you? If Eric ends up in jail because of this, what I am going to tell his son when he calls and says ‘I wanna talk to dad.” Oh sorry Landon, your mom lied and because of that your dad ended up in jail. I wouldn’t do that to him but you got to know that when he gets older, he is going to figure this stuff out. Why do people not realize that someday your kid(s) are going to grow up and find out what you did that caused them or someone they love (and Landon loves his daddy) pain.
Ok, done with the rant for today. Please send prayers that Eric (or me) can get this all straightened out. They should assign him a lawyer since he can’t afford one (and neither can I) but hopefully it isn’t the same lawyer that handled his PI last year because she is totally and completely useless!
So … Eric helped me get the pool put up last night. With us working together we got the 22 foot pool up in about an hour. It looked awesome and I am thinking “great, a week to fill from the well and when my vacation starts on the 29th, I will have my own pool to swim in — Yippee!”. Started filling it and I could tell within an hour that I had done an awesome job leveling the ground. At about 3″ when I was going around it again checking the legs (you have to keep straightening them as the soft-sided metal frame pools fill) I noticed water pooling on the plastic ground cover on one side. Crap … I got a major leak. There was a good inch of water pooling up against that side of the pool. Got in and checked it all out, I didn’t see a hole ANYwhere. Which is the worst possible scenerio since it means it has a seam that is leaking. Holes can be patched even under water, seams on pools like these cannot be fixed :-( *sad face*. Looks like I am back to square one. Walmart will replace the liner for me — IF they can find one of these pools at a local store. Haven’t called me back yet so the news may be bad. If Walmart can’t find one I can call Intex and they will replace the liner but from what I heard it can take 30 days to get it. Guess if Walmart doesn’t find me one, I am taking this one down (sigh–have to do that anyway) and putting a cheaper 12-14 foot pool up there until Intex can ship me the liner. I AM having my own pool during my 10 day vacation!
Eric is going to be so disappointed when I tell him. He was so proud that we got it looking so good and happy last night when I started filling it. By the time I knew it was leaking he was already in bed asleep (see working him hard DOES help him sleep). Que sera sera I guess.
One thing … did a lot of research on these Intex Ultra pools last night. Either you love them or you hate them. Looks like about 25% of them do have leaks or seams bursting in the first 30 days. Maybe that is why Walmart got them so cheap ($700 vs the original $1300 they used to sell for). But you do get what you pay for … if only it had been a leak that I could patch.
One of the things I loved about my new home was the deck and backyard which is set up for a 24′ above ground pool. Unfortunately, because the home was a foreclosure, the original pool was torn down before it went on the market.
I bought a 22′ by 52″ pool from Walmart as a temporary pool (hopefully can replace it when it finally gives out when a GOOD pool) the first week I moved into the house. It is still sitting in my garage lol. The bad thing was that the original pool had a two foot dip in half of it. Now the one I have is one of the cheapies (if you can call $700 cheap!) and it has to set on LEVEL ground. After two months of people telling me that they knew someone with a truck and dirt and never managing to actually come through and then trying to get someone in to fix it (every company I called was booked till late summer or early fall), I finally found someone that had a tiller I could borrow and I tilled and moved dirt (and had Eric move dirt) until we almost have the ground level enough to put the pool up. Hopefully tomorrow, after some finishing work and leveling the hard edge that the legs will sit on … the pool will be filling over the weekend.
Also this week, they put Eric on a different anti-depressant that he says is a lot better. The stuff they had him on before had such bad side effects that he didn’t take it. But between the meds for anxiety, depression and sleep I don’t see how he is going to be able to get a job anytime soon. The new doc he is seeing at the VA actually told him that he has a case of the worse PTSD he had seen in a long time. Maybe this means they are actually going to try helping him a little harder? All I know is that I wish and pray that my son would become self-sufficient again. On the good news side, he was tested for TBI (tramatic brain injury) which can cause symptoms like he is exeriencing, but other than some memory problems which are probably caused by the fact that he doesn’t sleep right, they don’t think he has any lasting TBI.
Hoping that having the pool up will get him out of his room more. I know I will be living in it!
This post is in response to my new commenter, Susan, who says her son is having problems also since his return from Iraq. I’m afraid it is much more widespread than people realize because when our Marines come home and start having issues (usually involving overuse of alcohol or drugs) … they just keep saying “I’m fine, I’ll deal with it”. They see asking for help as a failure.
Susan I am truly sorry to hear you are in the same boat … it took me over a year of watching Eric destroy everything he had going for him in life before I finally managed to get him to go to the VA. So don’t give up on your son. If he is anything like Eric, he will try to push away everyone, including his family, that tries to help him because he doesn’t feel like he needs help. Eric sent his wife and son back to California (his wife’s family lives there). He alienated EVERYONE in our formally close-knit family. He came close to making me give up on him. Never in my life would I have thought that the son that used to fight good-naturedly with my former boyfriend about who was going to clean the snow off my car in the winter (they wouldn’t let me do it) would treat me with the disrespect and contempt that he was occasionally spouting.
To tell the truth, it was really hard for me from both sides because his older brother and sister and other people in my family got upset with me for putting up with him. Several of them told me kick him out and make him stand on his own. I am convinced that if I had, he wouldn’t be here today. They didn’t live with him, they didn’t see the pain that he was in since he hid it from everyone. It is hard to hide it though, from someone who loves you and lives with you.
My advice? Persevere and be aware of what is going on with your son. If you can’t get him to go get help try your local Vet representative (every county in Indiana has one) and see if they know anywhere you can learn about PTSD. Information is a key thing to helping someone with this type of severe PTSD. You will find that you need to develop a thick skin because as warriors, they got really good at shutting off their feelings and when they do that, they can be really mean. I never gave up completely on Eric, even when he was actively pushing me away. Now I just ignore it on the rare occasions he backslides because I know that isn’t him. Do I want to kick his butt sometimes still? Oh yes I do. I am pushing him more now to do things for himself and not just sit around all depressed and drugged from the meds they give him.
There are a lot of trial and error situations that come up now. But with all the research I did on PTSD, I understand some of the things that happen, and I can advise others around him on how to treat him and not get a bad reaction that just ends up hurting Eric’s fragile recovery. It may sound like I am babying him, but all I am really doing is trying to keep him from doing something really dumb before he does get to a better state of mind.
He is getting better but its a two steps forward 1 1/2 steps back kind of getting better.
God bless you and your son Susan (actually both Susans!).
I realize that I neglected to post when I finally got my mortgage (once WF got their crap together). Yes I got a new home and moved into it about 2 months ago. Its been a tough two months since I didn’t take any time off work to do it but I am getting settled.
Eric doesn’t leave the house much since we are in a new town, but at least he isn’t spending all his time in the bar now. AND it seems like the county veteran rep up here may actually be able to help him with his compensation, the affects of the PTSD and his legal problems. The legal problems are the biggest thing right now. One is not really much of anything, he got a PI in the county we lived in before and they wanted money. Well of course he has no money so now they have re-docketed his pretrial diversion and making him go back to court for it. The other one he is going to need a lawyer for. When his PTSD was in full bloom last summer, his ex-wife lied to the court during divorce proceedings and told them that Eric had a job here and was making like 3500 a month (no job, no money). Therefore since he didn’t open his mail for months (I finally started opening it in June just before I talked him into going to the VA to be treated), he didn’t send the papers back refuting that. The state of CA is charging him about 1100 a month for child support AND spousal support. Now I think he should be charged child support but a reasonable amount that IF he ever gets his compensation AND gets well enough to work (he will soon I hope) he can pay back. But wait a minute … he NEVER was a resident of CA! He was only there because his base was there. His license was always Indiana and his taxes were filed in Indiana. Does Califirnia check ANYTHING? Legally, he cannot be charged spousal support from what I understand.
In any case, here’s hoiping he can get a lawyer to help cause that is what is it going to take. I tried filing papers for him that set-aside the judgement due to ‘presumed income’ and they sent papers back saying it wasn’t presumed (I don’t understand this, because they never proved he had a job did they? Ah, family law, guilty UNTIL presumed innocent?). All I can think … is hey … let’s kick the sick vet while he’s down.
Hopefully help on all fronts is on the horizon. I really thought he was going to end up in jail for this stuff that really is directly related to the severe PTSD he has right now. And that won’t help him. He’s not a bad person, he’s just in a bad place right now. Too many people out there don’t understand that. Try living with one of these guys suffering from this for a year. You will then.
Is there actually help out there for our Iraqi vets that come back haunted by the things they experienced there? I am starting to be hopeful again after talking to our county vet rep. Eric has been haunted, depressed, sleepless and worse since his PTSD hit him full swing over a year ago now. I have tried to help and I did get him to start going to the VA but there is only so much we can do.
He is still so broken by everything. After talking to the local county veteran representative though, I think he may be able to help. He has been through, and come out the other side stronger, almost exactly what Eric is now going through.
Sending my prayers out to all of the veterans that don’t have hope in their lives and especially to my own son, who I would love to see whole again.
BTW, when Spaces switched our blogs over here, they pretty much broke mine. I do plan on working to fix it so that the things that I wrote, and that still bring tears to my eyes when I re-read them, are there for others to read. I hope some of them help someone out there.
~God bless you
Uh .. still waiting on WF to get the mortgage paperwork on my house done. Still no confirmed closing date, hopefully I will at least have a date this week.
Looking forward to the move. Still close enough to ride up the road and visit friends and family in the old town but in a much better bigger town.
I think the idea of moving is making Eric nervous. Wish he would talk to me more but getting anything about how he feels out of him is worse than pulling teeth. We’ll see how it goes.